I am often amused when “family values” are equated with a 1950s American two-parent nuclear unit, as though that were a perfect reflection of Christian virtue. After all Jesus dissed his own mother publicly when she showed up with his brothers to quiet him down and bring him home. Jesus also said, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” Jesus clearly redefined family; he said it wasn’t our blood kin, it was those who followed him – and he said loving God comes first, no matter what.
As a pastor frequently frustrated as the claims of nuclear family trump involvement in church family activities, I read those words with a certain grumpiness. Sigh! It’s been a hard week in Water Daily Land, trying to interpret one hard teaching about priorities after another. Making a priority of following Jesus is more counter-cultural all the time. Our culture says family comes first, no matter what. And we are much more formed by our culture than by what Jesus taught.
You may be familiar with the Jesus Doll, a rag doll with brown hair and a beard, a tunic, coat and sandals. He's soft and squishable and great for kids. We let them bring Jesus the doll home for a week. They are encouraged to take Jesus everywhere they go, and to write in the journal that goes with him. Where did Jesus go this week? Gymnastics class? The swimming pool? Walking the dog? Kids love it. Mothers find it more wearing.
“Oh my God,” one said, “It’s unbelievably stressful having Jesus! I was afraid the dog would eat his sandals, or him. I was afraid we’d leave him somewhere!” Another, unable to get Jesus back to us for about three weeks, wrote an apologetic email. She’d been sick, the kids had been sick, her husband had been away on business, some other things happened… she concluded, “It just wasn’t a good week to have the Son of God at our house!”
News flash: it’s never a good week to have the Son of God around! Life is a whole lot easier with the priorities the world presents us: “Take what you want, when you want it, with whom you want it.” Chances are, if you’re reading this, you have already decided that is not your choice. Maybe you’ve entered the relationship into which Jesus invites you, or you are curious and exploring it. Maybe you’ve already discovered what Christians have known for 2000 years, that life is infinitely richer – though no less painful – when we are aware of having the Son of God around our house.
Jesus did not come to make us feel better about our lives – Jesus came to draw us closer in the one relationship we will have for eternity, in intimacy with God. Starting that relationship here and now makes our lives more purposeful – and often more stressful. “Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it,” Jesus said at the end of this teaching.
What are some of the ways Jesus’ claims have caused you to “lose your life,” or at least to give up some patterns that felt easy but were not life-giving?
What are some of the ways you are resisting putting God in first place in your life?
Who or what would have to be moved to second or third?
Can you offer that to God in prayer, inviting the Spirit in?
The gift – which we can only discover by doing it – is that when we move our God-life into first place, we engage our other priorities more fully, because we don’t try to own them. We appreciate them as gifts, and can stop ranking them. Maybe that’s what Jesus means by “finding our life…”
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