When Jesus is asked whether or not divorce is permissible for the faithful, he goes to the Scriptures, quoting Genesis: But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh."
Sounds simple enough. It’s the ideal of what marriage is. Much more than a change of life status and condition, marriage in the Judeo-Christian view is the creation of a new person, if you will, an entity borne of the union of two partners. It’s a beautiful ideal, and maddeningly difficult to live into, especially in a culture that understands marriage as the consummation of romantic love. And to the question of whether only people of different gender can become “one flesh,” the bible is silent, as it is on abortion, medical ethics, labor laws, and so many other issues that vex us today.
What Jesus is not silent on is the sanctity of the union once made. He answers the Pharisees in a fairly general way – “…Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” But Mark tells us that in private he has a fuller answer for his disciples: Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Harsh words. Of course, Jesus also said that a man who lusts after a woman commits adultery in his heart, and those who harbor hate effectively commit murder… He did not want his followers to be complacent about sin, but to recognize their need for forgiveness and a return to God’s embrace.
I don’t know why this teaching makes no mention of situations like abuse, infidelity or neglect that might warrant dissolving a marriage. And how are we to interpret it in our era, in which so many marriages suffer estrangement, unfaithfulness and often break down completely? This is one reason we can’t “cherry-pick” verses out of the bible, and must look at each part in the context of the whole. That whole speaks of forgiveness, overwhelming love and a God whose mercies are new every morning. Every morning.
In the Episcopal wedding liturgy, the congregation is asked, after the two parties have declared their intent, whether they will do all in their power to support these two persons in their life in Christ. This is where we have a chance to enhance the “holy” in matrimony. Whether or not we are present when a couple made their vows, we can pray for them, talk with them, tangibly support their ongoing emotional and spiritual connection. And we can counter the cultural messages about marriage with the Christian narrative – that God has made out of two distinct persons a new creation in order that they reveal Love in the world. That new creation is fragile and vulnerable – it needs nurturing and protecting.
It is not up to each couple to save their marriage – it is up to their community to support and to love them, even when they fail to stay together. If we want to see marriage upheld as holy, let’s pray and support the couples we know, for the holy comes from God, through God's people.
To receive Water Daily by email each morning, subscribe here.
No comments:
Post a Comment