In our gospel passage for this week, Jesus lays out a three- step process for dealing with conflict in the community of faith, by which someone who has inflicted hurt is invited to participate in repentance and reconciliation. He provides a contingency for those occasions when the offending party is unable or unwilling to be reconciled: “If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
On the face of it, this approach seems realistic, if harsh. If trust has been breached in the community and attempts at repair have failed, one might conclude that wholeness can only be gained by isolating the offender. No doubt this is the teaching that gave rise to the practice of shunning and excommunicationin some Christian traditions. Separating an offender from the community at large can be an act of punishment or protection, or both. It is also itself an act of aggression, even when warranted as in the case, say, of an abusive spouse or parent whose presence in the community would make it impossible for a survivor to feel safe.
I wonder, though, if Jesus meant something different by these words. My friend Aldon once noted that the way Jesus treated Gentiles and tax collectors was to eat with them and heal them, invite them to repent and to join his community. The people he showed no desire to be in relationship with were the "holy men," the religious leaders. Is Jesus inviting us to go deeper into reconciliation than seems comfortable? Is he suggesting we open ourselves to the Other who has hurt us, see his wounds and distorted perceptions, reach across the divide with love that has the power to transform?
That is an intriguing reading of this passage. As a strategy, it leaves room for growth, where distancing and isolating offenders does not. Granted, each situation demands its own discernment; reaching out must be accompanied by true honesty, within safe boundaries for those hurt. I think of the Truth Commissions set up in South Africa during the dismantling of apartheid. Reconciliation was forged not by burying grievances, but by bringing them into the light, speaking them in truth and clarity, with the perpetrators there to hear the effects of their actions, and invited to repent. Healing for victims can happen without the repentance of perpetrators, but when you have both, you have seeds for deeper engagement, deeper community.
I knew a church in which a new member was found to have been viewing internet pornography involving minors. He did not hide from law enforcement when discovered, but entered willingly into the justice process and into therapy, hoping to find deliverance from this compulsive behavior. But people in the church were unwilling to have him around, except under very stringent guidelines – rules which ensured he could never become part of that otherwise loving community in which he might have found healing and transformation. I believe safety for all could have been ensured without this degree of exclusion – but we’ll never know. He did not stay long under these strictures, and neither he nor his wife continued their exploration of Christian life. And some members of that church missed an opportunity to expand their capacity to love the sinner – and so to experience God’s love more fully.
Think of someone who you have shut out of your life or community because of harm they have caused. Can you imagine reconciliation on any level? If so, pray for a vision of how.
If not, can you pray for that person to be healed and even blessed? When someone is blessed, she is much less able to hurt.
None of this is easy, nor simple. But it is the Good News in which God has called us to live.
None of this is easy, nor simple. But it is the Good News in which God has called us to live.
No comments:
Post a Comment