How many times did she doubt during those months of pregnancy, wonder if she’d dreamt that story about the angel and his grand promises about the baby growing in her? But then, how did that baby get there? She would not have forgotten that.. And yes, there was confirmation when she visited her cousin Elizabeth and found the aged woman in the pink of pregnancy. But even that could be humanly possible… And then, to learn that Joseph had had dreams which matched what the angel had told her...
Even so, could this really be a movement of God, a movement to save the world, through her? That seemed too crazy to fathom. Until now. Until that gift came to pass, that deliverer delivered from her own body, swaddled and laid to sleep in a feeding trough, the hay keeping him warm. Then in burst a bunch of shepherds bearing tales of angelic visitations, with those words again, “To you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord."
A sign for the shepherds, yes, and also for Joseph and Mary. Luke tells us that, while the shepherds went out and spread the amazing story, “Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.”
What did Mary ponder? Once, in prayer, I sensed an encounter with her, a gracious older woman in a blue-green knit turtleneck dress. She said a few things as I asked her questions: “I was not all that good or all that brave. I was a bit of a flirt in my day – and had a sharp tongue. I was funny. Boy, that grew me up in a hurry (Jesus’ birth, etc.) Oh, you can believe what you like about all the stories. I’ll just say, it was hard. It was rough. I felt very, very alone – didn’t know Joseph enough to trust him yet."
And the sword that the elder Simeon spoke of, when they presented Jesus in the temple? “A sword pierces the heart of every mother,” she said. “From the moment your child is born, he is moving toward independence, which is a kind of death for you. He is moving toward his death."
She added, “I couldn’t worship him in life. How do you worship one whose diapers you’ve changed? No, he was always my son in this life. It wasn’t until after my death that I could worship him.” True for all of us, really...
Were Mary’s ponderings so different from those of any new mother? The stakes were higher, perhaps – but also the knowledge that, if this truly was a movement of God, then God would continue to be the mover. I hope she had that confidence, and that it bore her through the rough times.
I hope that for us, as well, as we bear Christ’s presence and light into this world. God sends signs for us, too.
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