5-30-23 - Doubt

You can listen to this reflection here.

The gospel reading set for Sunday is Matthew’s version of Jesus’ last encounter with his disciples: Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted.

Some doubted? After running into the resurrected Jesus for several weeks, some still weren’t sure? Of course, it can be very hard to overcome our belief in the impossible, even when it’s staring us in the face. An empty tomb and forty days were not enough for some, and still aren’t for many.

A healthy faith grows like a tree, its roots reaching deep into the soil of God-Life, accessing nutrients and building a stable base. It has a strong trunk able to support its growth. It reaches out branches toward God in praise, and toward other people in offering, allowing fruit and leaves to form. Yet no two trees grow alike. Each develops according to its situation, the nutrients available, sunlight and shade – and winds. Some trunks are sinewy and gnarled, strengthened by adversity. Some branches extend in long arcs, others divide and reach toward the light, others break of their own weight and crash to earth.

Doubt can work like a strong wind on our trees of faith, its pressure causing us to grow stronger. Doubt is a natural part of a living faith. It’s how we respond to it that makes the difference. If we acknowledge doubt when it surfaces and bring it into our relationship with God, it can add texture and depth to our faith. If we allow doubts to inspire us to lean harder on God, even to test, to say, “I don’t understand; show me,” they can actually deepen our faith.

But if we stay shielded from doubt by a black-and-white certainty, we can be like trees that grow tall and uniform – and easily toppled in a crisis. And if our doubts cause us to turn away from God, we don't fully experience the joys of that relationship, though God has not turned away from us.

How often do you engage doubts about God, about Jesus, about the power of God in the world or your life? What tends to trigger it? How do you tend to respond?
Today, can you bring one of those trouble areas into prayer? See what you discern in response.

As followers of the Risen Christ, we do not sign on to a set of doctrines. We enter into relationship with the multi-faceted triune God. There is room in God for our faith, our doubts, our love, our fears, and a whole lot more. Our faith is strengthened as we allow God to water our roots every day, as we allow life to prune our branches, as we withstand the winds and rain – and as we nurture ourselves to bear abundant fruit. So we will be “…like trees planted by streams of water; bearing fruit in due season, with leaves that do not wither.” (Psalm 1:3)

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9-13-21 - Afraid To Ask

You can listen to this reflection here. Sunday's gospel reading is here.

You know that awful feeling when you sense something is amiss, and you don’t know what it is, and that even asking about it might make it worse? Often we will do all we can to suppress that niggling worry, afraid to ask what’s actually going on. That’s how Jesus’ disciples felt as they traveled with him through Galilee and he continued to talk about the bitter treatment he was going to encounter.

They went on from there and passed through Galilee. He did not want anyone to know it; for he was teaching his disciples, saying to them, “The Son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again.” But they did not understand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him.

It’s not that he was unclear – he says this at least three times as they journey on. But his words make no sense in light of their understanding that he is the Messiah, the Savior. The idea that their Jesus, so sought after by the rich and influential as well as the poor and marginalized, could be betrayed was unthinkable. And that he could be killed, he who held the power of God in his hands, who could command storms to be stilled and blind eyes to see? How could that be? And what is this he said about rising again? I suspect that made so little sense they hardly heard it. His words were so unsettling in every way, they were afraid to ask him to explain what he was talking about.

Even we, so long after the fact, left with a story we celebrate but can’t fully comprehend, let alone find Good News in, can find it hard to ask God to explain it. We might fear finding ourselves adrift in a sea of doubt, or losing our faith entirely. So we hold it at arm’s length, celebrating the high points, acknowledging the cross and empty tomb, but not wandering too close.

I believe Jesus yearns for us to wander close, just as I suspect he wished his followers would have asked him directly what he meant. Asking God to help make sense of what makes no sense is central to a living faith. It is how we deepen our relationship with God.

What are your biggest questions about the Christian faith and story? Have you asked those in prayer? Said, “Jesus, why did you have to die? Why would a sacrifice be necessary for a God of love?” and listen for an answer. A thought might pop into your head, or over the next few weeks you might find yourself encountering a response. We can do the same with questions about our own lives and this heart-breaking, beautiful world.

A friend has a phrase, almost a mantra, she repeats often, “Be open, be curious.” Freedom comes as we surface the hard questions and open ourselves to exploring the answers. We draw closer to the God of mystery in the asking. In the end, that may be the only answer we really need.

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