Many people have a hard time with the notion of loving themselves. There is a self-suppressing strain running through Western culture, and the Christian church hasn’t always presented Jesus’ teachings about self-denial in the most wholesome way. We often equate loving self with selfishness, self-centeredness, self-involvement. And yet, right here at the center of Jesus' greatest commandment is the order to love ourselves as we love our neighbors.
If this is no challenge for you, great; you have a wonderful gift of grace and equilibrium to share with the world. If loving yourself does not come naturally – it doesn't for me – here are some ideas to help us move into this way of living.
First, see yourself as a child of God, created in love, for love. If you did the prayer exercise I suggested yesterday, asking the Spirit to give you a glimpse of how God sees you, you might have had an interesting revelation of your belovedness. (What emerged for me when I prayed was a ball of energy throwing off sparks… but in a good way!) If you want a scriptural reminder of your chosen-ness, I recommend the first chapter of Ephesians.
When we are reminded whose we are, it opens the way to better discovering who we are. So a next step would be to look at our wounds and faults with compassion instead of judgment. What prejudices have we been turning on ourselves, perhaps more harshly than we'd ever apply to our neighbors? If we are given to self-criticism, let’s offer it the way we would want to correct a small child, not by crushing her spirit, but calling her to her better self.
Then we might move beyond tolerating our “shadow sides” to actually celebrating our gifts and strengths. What are your best qualities? What is delightful about you? What do other people love in you? What do you love? And let’s think about what kind of a future we desire for this special and beloved creature of God. What do you want in your life? What do you want to do/see/experience/taste/give/receive?
Loving our selves and loving our neighbors need to go hand in hand, for fundamental to the whole exercise is the understanding that we are equal in God’s sight, no better, no worse, no more important or less, no more or less worthy of regard and honor and dignity and love.
When we fully comprehend that, loving God with our whole heart and mind and soul will be a piece of cake; we’ll simply be recognizing the inherent beauty of God’s creation, and acknowledging that God does flawless work. You are Exhibit A.
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