After Jesus’ fishing miracle, Simon Peter has an odd reaction to seeing his nets filled to the breaking point with fish. He doesn’t exult or gleefully anticipate the profit ahead:
But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” For he and all who were with him were amazed at the catch of fish that they had taken; and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching people.” When they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him.
The fancy spiritual word for what Peter was going through is “compunction,” when we become aware of our sinfulness or a particular area of sin in us. In this action, Jesus had revealed to Simon beyond a shadow of doubt that he was the Holy One – and Peter’s reaction to being in the presence of the holy was to become hyper-aware of his unholiness. Isaiah, in his vision in the temple (also a reading for Sunday) has the same reaction, “Woe is me! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"
In both instances, God redirects the repentance into mission. Isaiah hears, “Whom shall I send,” and answers, “Here am I! Send me!” Jesus, in that boat with Peter, says nothing about sin – he knows Peter will continue to struggle with those things that make him less than who God made him to be. Neither does he offer forgiveness – that is a given with Jesus. He simply says, “Do not be afraid. I have plans for you. From now on, you will fish for people and catch them.” That’s all he says in the way of recruitment. Yet after what they have just experienced with him, Peter and Andrew, and James and John in the next boat, come to shore, leave it all for others to sell, and set off to follow Jesus.
Has there been a time when you’ve felt the presence of Jesus with you? What effect did that have?
Was there ever a time when you felt filled with an awareness of your sinfulness? What inspired that?
So often, when I do connect with Jesus in prayer, I trot out my sins and repentance – and find he seems little interested in them. God is not in the business of punishment; our own consciences do enough of that. We may go through times of chastening, but those are really boot camp for mission. God is in the business of transformation. All that we offer up in confession is met with an overwhelming love and grace that invites us into new ways of being. We can spend years and a lot of energy feeling guilty or ashamed for how we operate or things we’ve done – and discover that God is much more interested in calling us into mission in Christ’s name.
We may not have an explosive experience like Peter did that day in the boat, but we can, anytime, anywhere, come into the presence of the Holy through prayer. And in that presence, the presence of pure Goodness, we can be real about who we are and experience a love we cannot manufacture. And then we can move beyond that encounter into relationship, as we follow Jesus and develop the capacity for more and more of his life in us.
It isn’t always one decisive moment, but gradually we are invited to bring our boats – all that we rely on in this life – to shore, and leave them behind to walk with Jesus, trusting in his amazing power and love.
No comments:
Post a Comment