Jesus’ teaching on divorce should come with a trigger warning; it's hard for people who've been divorced, especially due to domestic abuse, hear Jesus equate divorce with adultery. This is part of a bigger point he was making, and he's not being nuanced:
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Great! In a nation where some half of all marriages end in divorce, where many find themselves in more mature and even godly relationships in a second marriage, what do we say to this? “Get with the times, Jesus?” Do we ignore this teaching, which goes beyond even the stringent codes of the Mosaic law? And can we ignore this and other challenging teachings without undermining our trust in Jesus’ authority?
He was telling his would-be disciples that part of the discipline of following him would mean faithfulness. And guess what? Even though they walked and talked with Jesus for three years, they weren’t always so faithful. They may have stayed faithful to their marriages, but not always to him, or to each other. It doesn’t mean the standard wasn’t there – it means they failed to meet it. Jesus did not reject them. I don’t believe he rejects us when we fail, either.
Yes – this standard for marriage matters; anyone who’s been through the pain of a broken relationship will tell you that. But it cannot be isolated from all the other areas of sin and pain and failure we endure and inflict, all of which we are invited to bring before the loving, judging eye of the God who made and redeemed us.
So, is divorce sinful or is it forgivable? Yes. There can be no absolute answer – choose one, and you end up condemning someone who has suffered deeply, either because they have divorced, or because they haven’t. Sin is sin and humans are humans. And God is bigger and more powerful than all of it.
And that might be the point of this whole teaching, as Jesus so widens the standards of sinfulness no one can escape. If we are as liable for what we think and feel as what we do, we all have to admit we stand in need of redemption. The man whose teaching here seems so harsh is the same man who reminded a crowd about to execute an adulterous woman that they should feel free to cast stones only if they themselves were without sin. Who among us could in good conscience pick up a stone?
Today we might pray about times when we have been hurt or affected by the dissolution of a marriage. Perhaps the wound is still fresh, even many years later – divorce has that kind of power to hurt and keep hurting. We cannot give ourselves to another with all the hopefulness that marriage entails and remain unscathed when that hope dies, even if new life arises from the ashes. So pray for those involved. Pray for the grace to forgive if you need to. Imagine each person blessed by God.
And ask how you can support marriages you know to be difficult or shaky. More than two people are responsible for a marriage – it is meant to be carried in community. When a marriage fails, so has the community. So even people who are single are involved in the enterprise of marriage.
Divorce reveals a failure of love. There is a gap we can help fill, to pour our love into the void, to bring healing and wholeness, in concert with the God whose love goes beyond death, into life.
Great! In a nation where some half of all marriages end in divorce, where many find themselves in more mature and even godly relationships in a second marriage, what do we say to this? “Get with the times, Jesus?” Do we ignore this teaching, which goes beyond even the stringent codes of the Mosaic law? And can we ignore this and other challenging teachings without undermining our trust in Jesus’ authority?
He was telling his would-be disciples that part of the discipline of following him would mean faithfulness. And guess what? Even though they walked and talked with Jesus for three years, they weren’t always so faithful. They may have stayed faithful to their marriages, but not always to him, or to each other. It doesn’t mean the standard wasn’t there – it means they failed to meet it. Jesus did not reject them. I don’t believe he rejects us when we fail, either.
Yes – this standard for marriage matters; anyone who’s been through the pain of a broken relationship will tell you that. But it cannot be isolated from all the other areas of sin and pain and failure we endure and inflict, all of which we are invited to bring before the loving, judging eye of the God who made and redeemed us.
So, is divorce sinful or is it forgivable? Yes. There can be no absolute answer – choose one, and you end up condemning someone who has suffered deeply, either because they have divorced, or because they haven’t. Sin is sin and humans are humans. And God is bigger and more powerful than all of it.
And that might be the point of this whole teaching, as Jesus so widens the standards of sinfulness no one can escape. If we are as liable for what we think and feel as what we do, we all have to admit we stand in need of redemption. The man whose teaching here seems so harsh is the same man who reminded a crowd about to execute an adulterous woman that they should feel free to cast stones only if they themselves were without sin. Who among us could in good conscience pick up a stone?
Today we might pray about times when we have been hurt or affected by the dissolution of a marriage. Perhaps the wound is still fresh, even many years later – divorce has that kind of power to hurt and keep hurting. We cannot give ourselves to another with all the hopefulness that marriage entails and remain unscathed when that hope dies, even if new life arises from the ashes. So pray for those involved. Pray for the grace to forgive if you need to. Imagine each person blessed by God.
And ask how you can support marriages you know to be difficult or shaky. More than two people are responsible for a marriage – it is meant to be carried in community. When a marriage fails, so has the community. So even people who are single are involved in the enterprise of marriage.
Divorce reveals a failure of love. There is a gap we can help fill, to pour our love into the void, to bring healing and wholeness, in concert with the God whose love goes beyond death, into life.
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