I still remember the evening in my twenties, at a Wednesday eucharist at Grace Church, when I realized that I would never be happy – and maybe not able to truly love another – until I learned to love myself. I’m still working on it.
Some people have a hard time with the notion of loving self. There is a self-suppressing strain in Western culture, and the Christian church hasn’t always presented Jesus’ teachings about self-denial in a very wholesome way. We often equate loving self with selfishness, self-centeredness, self-involvement. And yet, right here at the center of Jesus' greatest commandment, is the order to love ourselves as we love our neighbors. Loving ourselves is true humility.
If this is no challenge for you, great; you have a wonderful gift of grace and equilibrium to share with the world. If loving yourself does not come naturally, here are some ideas to help move into this way of living. First, see yourself as a child of God, created in love, for love. If you ask the Spirit to give you a glimpse of how God sees you, you may have a revelation of your belovedness. If you want a scriptural reminder of how chosen and precious you are to God, try the first chapter of Ephesians.
When we are reminded whose we are, it opens the way to better discovering who we are. So a next step is to look at our wounds and faults with compassion instead of judgment. What prejudices have we been turning on ourselves, perhaps more harshly than we'd apply to our neighbors? If we are given to self-criticism, let’s offer it the way we would correct a small child, not by crushing her spirit, but calling her to her better self.
Then we might move beyond accepting our “shadow sides” to actually celebrating our gifts and strengths. What are your best qualities? What is delightful about you? What do other people love in you? What do you love? And what kind of a future do you desire for this special and beloved creature of God? What do you want in your life? What do you want to do/see/experience/ taste/give/receive?
Loving our selves and loving our neighbors must go hand in hand, for fundamental to the whole exercise is the understanding that we are equal in God’s sight. No one is better, or worse, more important or less, more or less worthy of regard and honor and dignity and love.
When we fully comprehend that, loving God with our whole heart and mind and soul will be a piece of cake; we’ll simply be recognizing the inherent beauty of God’s creation, and acknowledging that God does flawless work. You are Exhibit A.
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